Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'
I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.
Babtist Shampoo
While shopping in a grocery store, two Baptist
church ladies happened
to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.
One asked the other if
she would like a beer.
The second good Baptist sister answered that,
indeed, it would be very
nice to have one, but that she would feel
uncomfortable about
purchasing it.
The first sister replied that she would handle
that without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the
cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the good
Baptist sister said,
'This is for washing our hair.'
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached
under the counter and put
a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the
beer. 'The curlers are
on me.'
church ladies happened
to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.
One asked the other if
she would like a beer.
The second good Baptist sister answered that,
indeed, it would be very
nice to have one, but that she would feel
uncomfortable about
purchasing it.
The first sister replied that she would handle
that without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the
cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the good
Baptist sister said,
'This is for washing our hair.'
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached
under the counter and put
a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the
beer. 'The curlers are
on me.'
Choosing A Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much..
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much..
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
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