Church Funnies

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, 'I'm not going.'
'Why not?' she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons,' he said. '(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them.'
His mother replied, 'I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church.
(1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!'

The Picnic
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
'This baked ham is really delicious,' the priest teased the rabbi. 'You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell m e, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?'
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, 'At your wedding.'

The Usher
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps, 'Where would you like to sit?' he asked politely.
'The front row please,' she answered.
'You really don't want to do that,' the usher said 'The pastor is really boring.'
'Do you happen to know who I am?' the woman inquired. 'No.' he said. 'I'm the pastor's mother,' she replied indignantly.
'Do you know who I am?' he asked. 'No.' she said. 'Good,' he answered and walked away.


The Twenty and the One
A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
'I've had a pretty good life,' the twenty proclaimed. 'Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City , the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean '
'Wow!' said the one-dollar bill. 'You've really had an exciting life!'
'So tell me,' says the twenty, 'where have you been throughout your lifetime?'
The one dollar bill replies, 'Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , the Lutheran Church '
The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, 'What's a church?'

Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their elderly priest for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the priest asked their son what they were having. 'Goat,' the little boy replied.
'Goat?' replied the startled man of the cloth, 'Are you sure about that?'
'Yep,' said the youngster. 'I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'